Screwed up today

Met a friend for an egg and cheese biscuit (total calories = 3000?) Fought off eating anything else until around 5. Got these whole wheat wraps at the grocery store along with egg whites and turkey. Made 3 egg whites with one slice of cheese and out it in the wrap. Had that around 5. Not too happy about that. And then I started binging. Had a handful of peanuts, 2 starbursts, 6 saltines, an orange, a pear, and a piece of fudge the size of a quarter (total calories for that little piece =5000 calories?) I am so disappointed in myself. I don't even want to add up my calories for the day. If I hadn't had that biscuit this morning I wouldn't be feeling SO shitty, but that really put me over the edge. DAMMIT.
Took Lucky for a nice walk/jog when I got home today from classes. It felt really good to be outside, I look forward to our walks. It was warm today, about 70. Now I am freezing, it got really cold outside.
So what I am trying to figure out is this........the sugar in fruit, is that the same sugar that is in candy? Is it just as bad for you? In a way, I am happy because I feel like this little not eating, eating & getting rid trip I have been on the past few days, just might pass. But at the same time, I feel like I am letting myself down. People think it is so easy to lose weight. Not when you have PCOS. It was easy as hell to gain it, but I have fucking tried everything to lose it. I have a feeling when I see my endo doctor at the end of the month, he is going to up the Metformin. My sugar levels still feel out of whack. He would have a conniption is he knew what I was doing, but I CAN'T help it. He has me on this high protein, low carb diet for the PCOS, but when you grow up ITALIAN how the fuck are you supposed to not eat carbs? I just want to be healthy, have a healthy life like I did before this DAMN PCOS. It's not fair and I am going to whine about it because I HATE it.
I miss Bradley. I talked to him today and it was just good to hear his voice. He can be a real shithead sometimes, but at least he has always complimented my body. He really does. Not that I believe a word of it, but sometimes I think he may just mean it. And I will stop there before I get on my whole self doubting I am a cow trip. He loves me for me, and he thinks I am beautiful, I guess that should be enough for me, right?