I should be doing homework...

I just can't help it, I hate homework. So I am taking this Psych. class called Crisis Intervention, and it is really, really interesting. It explains a lot of shit about my life. For example, today we were talking about PTSD, and about how a survivor copes with it. One of the ways the brain copes with a traumatic experience, is by blocking it out of your memory until you are capable of the pain it will cause to remember the trauma. Well shit, I kind of knew that already, but now that I have actually seen it written as a fact, it makes more sense. Another thing I didn't realize is PTSD lasts forever. Any mental illness lasts forever. For some reason, I have always believed that at some point in your life, they just go away. But I guess that isn't true. What I learned today was that you may always have the illness, but you learn how to cope with it, and overcome the effects. But at any point in your life, it can reappear.
It reminded me of that meeting I had with the psychiatrist I had a few weeks ago. I told him I wanted to come off the anti-depressants. I mean, my God, I have been on them since my grandfather died at 11. I think the first person to put me on them should be shot, because I have never been able to come off of them. I don't feel like I really need them anymore. I really don't. I want to be able to "be ok" without the help of medication. So I told the psyc this. And his response was, "if you were on heart medication for a heart problem, do you think after 10 years or so you could just go off of it because you didn't want to be on it anymore?" Ok, no. "Well then what makes you think you can just come off anti-depressants any time you want to?" Well, because I don't think I need them anymore. "What has happened when you have tried to come off them in the past?" It has made m really sick because my body has gotten so used to being on them. "Ok then, so let me ask you again, what makes you think you can come off them at any time you want to?" I understand what you are saying, but I don't want to be on them the rest of my life. "Well, the thing is, with mental illness, you don't have that choice."
But what I want to know is, why the fuck do I have this "illness"? And who decides that it is an illness anyway? Now, because my body is so dependent on these pills, I can never come off of them? That makes no freaking sense to me. And who the F*** is some wild haired, smelly, middle aged man to tell me these things?
That's it for now, I have been sidetracked :)